A New York Times Editors’ Choice
An Amazon Best Memoir of 2020
A Best of 2020 according to Parade Magazine,
Bookshop.Org, Times of India, PopSugar, Bustle, BookRiot, and more
If family stories shape us, what happens when we learn those stories were never true?
Maya Shanbhag Lang grew up idolizing her brilliant mother, an accomplished physician who immigrated to the United States from India. Their relationship is irrevocably altered when Maya’s mother reveals family secrets that send Maya reeling. Absorbing and raw, What We Carry is about mothers and daughters, lies and truths, and the power of stories. It is a beautiful examination of the weight we shoulder as women and an exploration of how to set our burdens down.
Praise
“A larger mediation on motherhood, daughterhood and feminism […]. The shined-up, mythical stories our mothers tell us about their own beginnings are meant to bolster us, perhaps; but here, in exquisitely precise prose, Lang makes an argument that honesty is what’s truly empowering.”
— The New York Times Book Review
“What We Carry, the new memoir by Maya Shanbhag Lang, is nothing short of radical. It centers issues of mothering, daughtering, caregiving for a parent, and the importance of self-care—issues not typically seen in memoir.”
— The Los Angeles Review of Books
“A book with such a brave message.”
— The Observer
“Part self-discovery, part family history…[Lang’s] analysis of the shifting roles of mothers and daughters, particularly through the lens of immigration, helps to challenge her family’s mythology… Readers interested in examining their own family stories…will connect deeply with Lang’s beautiful memoir.”
— Library Journal (Starred Review)
“A stirring memoir exploring the fraught relationships between mothers and daughters . . . astutely written and intense . . . [What We Carry] will strike a chord with readers.”
— Publishers Weekly
“Uplifting and courageous […], What We Carry is a raw look at how women carry their lives (and secrets) until they’re at their most vulnerable.”
— PopSugar
“Maya writes in absolutely beautiful compelling prose about what it means to be a daughter—and a mother—today.”
— “Good Morning America”
“[Lang] is outspoken, pushing forward relentlessly in short, rapid-fire chapters which traverse boundaries of past and present… . Gripping.”
—Hindustan Times, Front page of Books section
“Lang’s writing is uncompromising and honest… Long after I put the book aside, I find myself mulling over these lines: ‘Perhaps the question of how and when to let go is the real story of the woman in the river. When do we let go of others? Who are we when we come back to ourselves?’”
—The Hindu
“Lang is an immediately affable and honest narrator who offers an intriguing blend of revelatory personal history and touching insight.”
— BookPage, Mother’s Day feature
“A book about mothers, daughters, family, and the expectations we—and society—put on ourselves as women.”
—BookRiot, in 8 of the Best Books About Motherhood
“Soulful, reflective, literary.”
—Katie Couric Media
“In this poignant and moving book, Maya lays bare the the weight we shoulder as women […]. There is an immense universal appeal to her words.”
—Platform Magainze, The Best Literature of 2020 (with Douglas Stuart’s Shuggie Bain and Hari Kunzru’s Red Pill)
“A raw and honest story about mothers and daughters, lies and truths, what it means to grow up, the weight we shoulder as women—and how to finally set it down.”
—Goop
“An exquisite exploration of love—its boundlessness and its limitations—between a mother and daughter that makes us examine the unknowability of who we are and the strength of our bonds with those who shape us. This story is so elegantly told, and with such rawness and compassion. I fell madly in love with Maya and her complicated, indelible mother and could not put this book down.”
— Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
“A dazzling, courageous memoir about the weight we carry as women, daughters, and mothers — and what happens when we let go. Lang takes us deep into the heart of relationship with her mother, a brilliant psychiatrist and Indian immigrant with long-buried secrets. After a health crisis brings mother and daughter under the same roof for the first time since childhood, Lang grapples with new information about the parent she’d idolized, and realizes it’s time to tell the story of her own life. What We Carry is a love letter to everyone who has swum through turbulent water before reaching the shores of selfhood.”
—Chloe Benjamin, New York Times bestselling author of The Immortalists
“How do we really know the ones we love? Lang thought she knew her Indian immigrant mother through her stories, but when her mother began to suffer with Alzheimer’s, profound truths and unsettling secrets began to emerge. What is so remarkable about Lang’s book is that rather than losing her mother to a memory disease, she was given an opportunity to come to terms with the exquisite ties that bind mother and daughter together. Truly, a gorgeous memoir.”
— Caroline Leavitt, New York Times bestselling author of Pictures of You, Is This Tomorrow, and Cruel Beautiful World
“In What We Carry, Maya Shanbhag Lang has created a gorgeous memoir about mothers, daughters, and the tenacity of the love that grows between what is said and what is left unspoken.”
—Mira Jacob, author of Good Talk
“Maya Shanbhag Lang thought she knew her capable physician-mother and her story. But when Alzheimer’s hit early, Lang found herself adrift in a sea of unwelcome truths and ambiguous loss. In this searingly honest, beautifully written memoir, Lang chronicles her journey as she revises her illusions of the past and becomes a larger-hearted, more accepting, and generous version of herself. Anyone who has ever struggled with a fraught mother-daughter relationship will enjoy this book. Those who face the ordeal of caregiving, with all its love, loss, and unexpected gifts, will be inspired. My heart opened reading this extraordinary memoir.”
—Katy Butler, author of the New York Times bestsellers Knocking on Heaven’s Door and The Art of Dying Well
“What We Carry is a profoundly moving memoir about secrets, trauma, and what happens when, for reasons beyond anyone’s control, we can no longer get what we need from those we love, or give them the things they most want from us. In exquisite prose, Maya Shanbhag Lang writes about her extraordinary mother and the cruel circumstances that complicate their relationship. At its heart, this is a book about one of the greatest gifts any parent can give a child: the power to save yourself.”
—Will Schwalbe, author of the New York Times bestsellers The End of Your Life Book Club and Books for Living
“What We Carry is a wise, tender, and unswervingly honest memoir that reads like a mystery. With emotional precision and detective-like clarity, Maya Shanbhag Lang investigates the many ways in which we all participate in the often-painful mythology of a family. As thrillingly, Lang’s ultimate revelation is a hopeful one, reminding us that we are stronger than we think.”
—Christopher Castellani, author of Leading Men